Accelerated Decrepitude

Microsoft Met the Walrus

2009-07-07T16:10:00.000-04:00

Josh Raskin-Inspired Microsoft Ads

I recently saw a slew of Microsoft's “People Ready/It's Everybody's Business” commercials - which are aimed at the business community and mix audio interviews with executives of leading companies with collage-style animation to show how MS' technology solves business problems - on the Groove Tube. You know the ones I'm talking about, like the ad featuring Quiksilver President and CEO Bob McKnight talking about "the economic tsunami" and its impact on business (as shown below):

Then there's the spot with Katie Bayne, chief marketing officer at Coca Cola, talking about how important it is to get the right information rather than a lot of information (as shown below):

They're great ads, but they seemed too familiar to me. Slowly, it dawned on me that I had seen this animation style before - in an Oscar-nominated short film by Canadian animator Josh Raskin. Yuo see, in February of 2008, I blogged about "The 2007 Academy Award Nominated Animated Short Films" program at the Landmark Theatre, where I saw Josh Raskin's "I Am the Walrus," a short that so impressed me I contacted the director and asked if I could get a copy of his film (which, unfortunately, did not win the Oscar) so I could screen it as part of one of our monthly film programs at the Enoch Pratt Free Library. He obliged and I screened the imaginative short, which is shown below.

I MET THE WALRUS

(directed by Josh Raskin, Canada, 5 minutes, English, 2D Animation)
Official Web Site: www.imetthewalrus.com

As I said at the time:

Animators looking for ideas, take heart: this is a prime example of how to make something out of nothing. In 1969, 14-year-old Jerry Levitan (pictured left) snuck into John Lennon's hotel room in Toronto with his tape recorder and persuaded him to do an interview. This was during John and Yoko's "Bed-In" to promote world peace phase. Levitan got 5 minutes worth of conversation about various topics, including war and peace, music and, unfortunately, his dislike of George Harrison (what's his problem? George was my fave of the Fab Four!). It all wouldn't have amounted to much, except for Josh Raskin's imagination and skill as an animator and director 38 years later. He uses a stream-of-consciousness technique to illustrate basically every word that comes out of Lennon's mouth. More specifically, he employs James Braithwaite's pen sketches and Alex Kurina's digital illustrations to create what the film's official web site quite rightly calls "a spell-binding vessel for Lennon’s boundless wit, and timeless message."

The look of the animation reminded me of both Terry Gilliam's Monty Python work (which of course harkens back to the cut-up collage techniques of Stan Vanderbeek) and Frank and Caroline Mouris' FRANK FILM (1973), especially in regards to the latter's pacing and thematic synching of images with narration.

It may be Everybody's Business, but it's Josh Raskin's idea

Whatever my take on it, Raskin's film short clearly inspired and influenced Microsoft's "Everybody’s Business" campaign, which (according to online site theinspirationroom )was developed at New York's JWT ad agency by chief creative officer Ty Montague, executive creative director Walt Connelly, creative director/art director Tim Galles, creative director/copywriter Stuart Mickle, agency producers Holly Otto, Robin Feldman, Alex Lind-Spahr and Arrow Kruse. The animation was developed by director Michelle Dougherty via Imaginary Forces, with editing by Catherine Bull and Dahkil Hausif at Spotwelders, and sound design by Marshall Grupp of Sound Lounge.

Too bad there's no Josh Raskin acknowledgement. He didn't get the Oscar and he didn't get any of that sweet Microsoft money.

The Great "Greatest" Debate

2009-07-07T12:10:00.002-04:00

OK, so Roger Federer won his 15th major, eliciting the great debate over who's the greatest all-time men's tennis player. Like my brother says, it's a pointless debate because you can't really compare different eras, with different levels of competition (look at Sampras' era with Agassi, Courier, Lendl, Becker, etc. versus Federer's with basically one guy who pushes him - Nadal), different surfaces, different equipment, different rules (i.e., the advent of the tie-breaker, the Hawkeye challenge system, etc.). For number of majors, sure Federer has won the most. But I think this video of Mats Wilander weighing in on the matter says it best.

Mats Wilander/Experts Weigh In on Federer's 15th

True Grit

2009-07-06T16:33:00.017-04:00

Roger Federer Toughs It Out for a Record-breaking 15th Slam
5-6, 7-6 (6), 7-6 (5), 3-6, 16-14

When the going gets tough, the tough get trophies

I few weeks back I blogged about Jon L. Wertheim's book Strokes of Genius, which rightly lauded last year's five-set, four-hour and 48-minute Wimbledon Gentlemen's Final between Roger Federer and Raphael Nadal as the greatest tennis match ever played (at least in my lifetime), and took the author - an unabashed Federer fan - to task for questioning Federer's grit:

Everyone assumes Roger wins by virtue of his genius, artistry or genetically-gifted skill. Hey, you don't win 14 majors on every surface, 10 consecutive Grand Slam finals (2005 Wimbledon - 2007 U.S. Open), reach 20 consecutive semifinals, 19 total Grand Slam finals, and be World No. 1 for 5 years without having the grit to match your talent.

After watching Sunday's five-set, four-hour and 16-minute, 77-game final (the longest-ever Wimbledon final in terms of games) between would-be King-killer Andy Roddick and Roger Federer, I rest my case. Roger came through to win his 15th major (surpassing the record 14 he shared with Pete Sampras, who was on hand to see history being made) and 6th overall Wimbledon crown on a day when, by all rights, he probably shouldn't have; because, push come to shove, Federer has that very grit others lack and critics too often miss because (against anyone not named "Rafa") he makes it look so easy.

The point certainly wasn't lost on A-Rod. "He gets a lot of credit for a lot of things, but not for how many matches he kind of digs deep and toughs out," Roddick said afterwards. "He doesn't get a lot of credit for that because it looks easy to him a lot of the times. But he definitely stuck in there today."

Grit Point #1: Second set tie-break, Federer is already down a set and facing a 2-0 set deficit as Roddick serves with quadruple set-point, at 6-2. Roddick needs one more point to win the breaker. But Federer faces the Roddick serve and doesn't flinch, breaking back a point to make it 3-6 and then taking the next two points on his own serve to narrow the gap to 5-6. With his final set point, Roddick faults on his first serve, and on his second serve Roger gets it back and watches as Roddick bashes a backhand volley at the net wildly across court, to draw level at 6-all. Then another error from Roddick allows Federer to take the lead for the first time, 7-6. Now serving for the set, Federer serves it out, with Roddick to fluffing a return to give Roger the tie-break at 8-6 and even the match at 5-6, 7-6.

Grit Point #2: With everything to play for and still no sign of fatigue in his opponents supersonic (and still unbroken) serve, Federer hangs tough through the longest final frame in Wimbledon, a 95-minute, 30-game fifth set that's the game-tallying equivalent of playing seven sets, knowing that if he loses his serve against his unbreakable opponent, it's all over. With Roddick serving at 14-15, Federer takes the first two points to put Andy in the hole at 0-30. But Roddick rebounds to to take the next three and it looks like a another hold from the Unbreakable One. Then an errant return brings the game to deuce. Roddick goes ad up, then it's back to deuce again, then ad Federer. But as the London Times describes it, "...it's not just an advantage; this is championship point." Roddick serves and Federer holds firm, sending a return back over the net that Roddick hits wildly at; As the Times concludes, "...he's powerful with that forehand but not accurate and it's Federer's title." Yes, in the 30th game Federer got a sniff, worked his way to the finish line, and pounced the moment Roddick gave him the opportunity to string together two points in a row against The Serve. He persevered.

Before the match, the experts agreed that Roddick - who entered the match with a lifetime 2-19 record, including two Wimbledon final losses, against Federer (no one has played more matches on tour against Roger than Andy) - needed to play the match of his life in order to have any chance of beating Roger. And he did just that. Firing rocket serves clocking in as high as 143 mph that no other human being on the planet should be able to return. In a serving groove that saw him hold serve until the final, 30th game, of the final, fifth set. And he still - inexplicably, unbelievably - lost. 7-5, 6-7 (6-8), 6-7 (5-7), 6-3, 14-16.

I'm no Roddick fan - I've always considered him a hot-headed one-trick pony with a serve but no verve, though I've always appreciated his work ethic (he's in my Never Say Quit Club along with Federer, Nadal, Leyton Hewitt, and, on the ladies' side, Serena Williams and Maria Sharapova) - but he earned my respect on this crushing day in which he must surely be asking himself: What exactly do I have to do to beat this guy?

Maybe last year's Federer-Nadal final had greater, more dramatic volleys and shot-making, while this was more a boom-and-loom affair of big serves (Federer had a career-best 50 aces, Roddick surprisingly only 27), but the tension was just as great, if not greater. After all, in last year's final Federer was unable to break Nadal's serve the entire match - he had to win two tie-breaks to force that dramatic fifth set against his Spanish nemesis after falling behind two sets to nil. This time around, he was broken twice - in the final game of the first set to lose it 7-5, and in the fourth game of the fourth set which he dropped 6-3 - in a match against a guy who never loses his serve. It soon became apparent that the only way Federer could win would be to break Roddick because Wimbledon does not have a fifth set tie-breaker format; to win, you have to win by two games. It was a question of who would blink first as the pressure to hold and the fading sunlight made the tension palpable. And Roger hung in there, doing his part to hold serve - until "the moment" arrived.

And, believe it or not on a day in which there were only three breaks of serve (Roddick's two and Federer's in the final game) over the course of 77 games, Federer's loss of serve in that fourth set may have been a blessing in disguise. You see, in a tight match in which both servers are likely to hold their serves, it really matters who serves first. That person is always going to be ahead if, holding true to form, the two opponents are headed toward the inevitable tie-breaker. It puts pressure on the guy serving second to stay in the match. Roddick won the initial coin toss and served first in three of the first four sets. In the first set, Federer caved when he served at 5-6 to stay in the set and was broken the first time. In the second set he again had to serve to stay in the set at 5-6, but held to force the tie-break he eventually won. Because Federer only used one of his two allotted serves to serve out the second set tie-break, he got to serve first in the third set and it was Roddick who had to serve to stay in the set at 5-6 and force the third-set tie-break, which Roger won on his serve at 7-5. In the fourth set, it was once again Roddick serving first, but with Roger serving at 1-2, Roddick broke through for the second time to go up 3-1 then held his serve to go up 4-1. The pair traded holds after that with Roddick serving out the fourth set to take it 6-3. But it meant that finally Federer would serve first in the final set. Hence that 15-14 edge heading into the final game and the "moment."

Like Wimbledon 2007 and 2008, this Gentlemen's Final is yet another classic five-setter and yet again Roger Federer is right there in it until the last swing. No one except the critics said it would be easy.

Point by Point Recap:
Times Online: How It Happened
Guardian Online: Roger Federer v Andy Roddick - as it happened

Ed, This Bud's for You!

2009-06-25T15:37:00.015-04:00

Ed McMahon: March 6, 1923 – June 23, 2009

Yes! You are correct sir.

Ed McMahon, best known as Johnny Carson's chuckling sidekick sycophant, Budweiser beer pitchman, Publisher's Clearing House sweepstakes spokesman, and latter-day host of Star Search and Bloopers & Practical Jokes, died this week at age 86. With his passing, I'm gonna pay my respects by opening a can of Bud and toasting Big Ed.

"Budweiser's the best reason to drink beer!"

Hey-Yo!
If you feel like reflecting on Ed's contributions to the pop cultural landcape, try these essential artifacts of the McMahon Canon:

The Incident (1967)

Ed is pretty good as a overbearing salaryman who bullies his wife but is helpless when his little girl is threatened in this stark melodrama about two thrill-seeking thugs (Martin Sheen and Tony Musante in their big screen debuts) who terrorize late-night passengers on a New York City train.

Here's Tony Musante trying to play house with Ed's daughter before soldier boy Beau Bridges intervenes:

Daughter of Horror (1957)

Ed provided the heavy-handed Ghost Host-y voiceover in this recut version of Dementia, a Beatnik Noir oddity originally released as a silent film in 1955.

Here's the original trailer:

If the midget newsboy looks familiar, it's because it's Angelo Rossitto, star of Todd Browning's Freaks (1932), in which he leads the "We accept you, one of us, gooba gabba" chant that later became associated with the Gabba-Gabba Hey punk rockers, The Ramones.

And, of course Ed's classic vocal stylings album - with liner notes by Johnny Carson!

Me, I'm Ed McMahon (Cameo-Parkway Records, 1960s)

I always liked that Ed, whose wife Pam was 33 years his junior, sang "Oh Thank Heaven for Little Girls" on this LP. Hey-yo, you dawg!

Ed also kept up with the times, trying his hand at rapping in this pitch for FreeCreditReport.com:

What's Always True on TV

2009-06-25T11:46:00.005-04:00

We hold these truths to be self-evident

I originally saw Mike Steiner's list of trusty television trueisms in HITCH Magazine and immediately cut it out and placed it atop my idiot box, right next to my St. Clare "Patron Saint of Television" statue. Since I can't find it anywhere else on the Internet, I decided to post it here. As I reread it today, I realized that the more things change, the more they stay the same - on TV!

I particularly like:

Rule #6 - "Teenagers who have sex are destined to die in grotesque ways," which is a basic tenet of all American horror films,

Rule #21 - "Street vendors' carts are magnetically attracted to high-speed car chases," which happens in every urban cop show in history, and

Rule #28 - "Somewhere in everybody's house or yard is a hidden gateway to hell or some other extra-dimensional space or parallel universe." I'm still looking for that space, because I think that's where the mice are getting in!

Blackoystercatcher

2009-06-25T10:15:00.003-04:00

Rick Prelinger's Blog

Rick Prelinger

Rick Prelinger is the man - the moving image archivist's archivist. Once again Scott Huffines has turned me onto an outstanding blog, Prelinger's Blackoystercatcher. Prelinger is also on Twitter (http://twitter.com/footage).

Here's Prelinger's great post about the predominance of the "narrative arc" in contemporary documentary filmmaking: Taking history back from the "storytellers"

Strokes of Genius

2009-06-21T13:23:00.019-04:00

Federer, Nadal, and the Greatest Match of All Time

As the tennis world awaits the 2009 edition of "The Championships at Wimbledon," the Tennis Channel has been replaying - in its 4-hour and 48-minute entirety - last year's five-set final between Raphael Nadal and Roger Federer that has been called "The Greatest Match of All Time." (The Silver Medal in this category may well go to last year's five-set Australian Open semifinal between Nadal and his buddy Fernando Verdasco.) Though I know the stroke-by-stroke result by heart, I found myself compelled to watch this match over and over again - it never got boring to me. I was so inspired by this match that ended Federer's streak of 40 consecutive wins at Wimbledon and 65 consecutive wins on grass courts, I even purchased L. Jon Wertheim's book about it, Strokes of Genius: Federer, Nadal, and the Greatest Match Ever Played (2009), which I just finished reading last night (after once again watching parts of the 2008 final on the Tennis Channel!). It's not the greatest tennis book ever written - for my money that plaudit goes to John Feinstein's (shamefully/inexplicably out-of-print) Hard Courts (1991) and David Foster Wallace's brilliant tennis essays (especially "Federer As Religious Experience") - but it's pretty damned good and a fairly brisk read at 211 pages.

Reading about and rewatching Nadal's 6-4, 6-4, 6-7, 6-7, 9-7 triumph in the 2008 Gentlemen's Final at the All England Club also reminded me, and no doubt tennis fans everywhere, of what an anti-climax this year's Wimbledon almost surely will be. Rafael Nadal's withdrawal from the championships due to tendinitis in his well-worn knees means he won't be able to defend his grass court crown - only the second time that's happened in the last 35 years at Wimbeldon. Perhaps he's resting up to see if, in a year in which Federer finally won the French Open - the one major that's eluded him (or rather, been denied him by Nadal) - he can win the U.S. Open and equal his rival in achieving, like Agassi, the "Career Grand Slam" of all four majors: Australian Open, French Open, Wimbledon and U.S. Open.

Federer called Nadal's exit from this year's Wimbledon "very disappointing for the tournament, and also for myself. It's unfortunate. I'm sad for him, because it must have been a very difficult decision to make. I'd love to play him. He's my main rival. We've had some wonderful matches over the years, and especially the one here last year was the one that obviously stands out."

Federer said he knew something was up when, after Nadal congratulated him for winning the French Open, Federer asked him how he knees were. "He was, like, 'It's OK.' So I kind of knew it wasn't great, because he's very honest to me. So I knew something could be coming up."

Nadal: A Spain the Neck for Federer

Nadal is Roger's pounding headache that won't go away

Nadal and Federer represent the greateast rivalry in sports. Only Ivan Lendl and John McEnroe have met in more finals (20), with the pair having so far played 16 finals, with Nadal winning 11 titles and leading their overall matchup 13-7. So for Rafa to withdrawal he surely must be hurting. Likewise, I think Roger needs to battle his nemesis for these majors to have real meaning to him in his heart of hearts. These guys bring out the best in each other, like McEnroe vs. Borg or Ali vs. Frazier. Sure, Roger finally won the French Open, but he didn't beat Nadal to do it - he got help from the upstart Swede Robin Soderling. Thus, he didn't really avenge his 2008 straight-set thrashing at the hands of the mighty Majorcan - Federer's worst loss since he became No. 1 six years ago. And, for those keeping track, Roger's still "0-for" in his three most recent finals against Nadal (losing the 2008 finals at Roland Garros and Wimbledon and the 2009 Australian Open final in Melbourne - the one that drove him to tears). You see, Nadal is in Federer's head, whether Roger admits it or not. And, like Macbeth seeing Banquo's ghost, it must surely torment him. How else to explain blowing a 4-1 lead and losing 5 straight games in the second set of last year's Wimbledon finals?

Federer-Nadal: Making eye contact

Wertheim, to his credit, gets this aspect of the two champions' rivalry exactly right in Strokes of Genius, observing:

Vic Braden, the prominent tennis coach and psychologist, had recently attended a seminar given by Dr. Gerard Medioni, a University of Southern California computer science professor. Medioni spoke about the intelligence experts who use facial expressions to finger terrorists. Braden decided to apply similar techniques to tennis. After watching DVDs of Federer’s matches frame by frame, Braden noticed something unusual. Against all other opponents, Federer played with his eyes wide open, focused straight ahead, and his mouth turned upward. But when he faced Nadal—and only Nadal—he tended to frown and look downward. And it wasn’t just when he was losing. Braden saw that Federer assumed this facial expression even in warm-ups, before the match had started. Never mind the well-lubricated sports cliché that Nadal was “in Federer’s head.” He was in his face, too.

Heavy Mettle

But I have to take issue with one assertion in Strokes of Genius that I think Wertheim got dead wrong: that Roger someone lacks the warrior's love of battle. "The back alley is not Federer's choice milieu," Wertheim opines. "He'd rather soar than rumble." It's a softball variation on the same assertion that Mats Willander made years ago when he said something to the effect that Federer lacked Nadal's "balls." In Wertheim's words:

This is in no way a knock on Federer, but most athletes of his stature - Woods, Jordan, Tom Brady, Roger Clemens, Sampras, the Williams sisters - manage to supplement their physical gifts with the highest levels of competitive resolve. They are "killers" and "assassins" and "snipers" when they play...He wins not because of any "samurai mindset" or "killer mentality." He wins because of his genius.

Bullshit.

Everyone assumes Roger wins by virtue of his genius, artistry or genetically-gifted skill. Hey, you don't win 14 majors on every surface, 10 consecutive Grand Slam finals (2005 Wimbledon - 2007 U.S. Open), reach 20 consecutive semifinals, 19 total Grand Slam finals, and be World No. 1 for 5 years without having the grit to match your talent. Of course, Werthiam didn't have the benefit of traveling to the future to see Federer come from two sets down against veteran Tommy Haas to reach the semi-finals of the 2009 French Open. I think Wertheim was a little too heavily influenced in his "fight-or-flight" analysis of the Federer mindset in the aftermath of last year's French Open final, when Nadal's complete dominance of Federer over three sets was assumed to be an indication of Roger throwing in the towel.

Federer: True Grit

I think he got it wrong, assuming somehow that just because few players outside of Nadal could press him (up until his "off" year of seeming "mere mortality" in 2008), he was somehow not up for a scrap. It's not his fault that most of his matches during the halcycon days of his 2003-2008 reign as World No. 1 looked so effortless. Listen, Rafa and Roger are the preeminent warriors of the game. As the Roddicks, Monfils, Gasquets, Djokovics, and Davydenkos retire from matches or drop out of tournaments, Roger Federer has never retired from a match in his career - ever - and Rafa has never retired from a Grand Slam match (though he did retire in the quarterfinal of the Paris Masters Series in 2008 against Davydenko, from the Cincinnati Masters Series 2nd round against Juan Monaco, and the quarterfinal of the Stella Artois Queens Club tournament against Leyton Hewitt in 2006). Basically, two men enter, two men leave. You have to drag them off the court and onto a stretcher for them to quit. That's balls for you, 'nuff said. Federer showed he had grit when he came back from two sets down at Wimbledon 2008 to force a dramatic fifth set and this year when he beat the unbelievable pressure of expectations at Roland Garros when everyone basically said, with Nadal out of the way, the title is yours. Easier said than done! Federer (like Nadal with his battered knees) has more than paid the cost to be the boss, and just because he doesn't have the obvious battle scars of long-term injuries or outbursts of emotion/temper should not be misconstrued to be a sign of reticence to fight for tennis glories. It's not a matter of mind over mettle - it's just another sign of his quality and pedigree.

Album Covers Referencing Big Star's "Radio City"

2009-06-17T15:13:00.011-04:00

Is it just me, or are Tommy Keene and Vampire Weekend paying homage to Big Star's second album Radio City? Or are Vampire Weekend referencing Tommy Keene's 1998 album Isolation Party? Or are Vampire Weekend referencing Tommy Keene referencing Big Star? Or is it mere serendipity, like a godless universe in which everything that happens is random and meaningless? Or do these bands just like ceiling shots of lights? The mind boggles. Mine at least.

Radio City, 1974

Isolation Party, 1998

Vampire Weekend, 2008

By the way, the Radio City album cover was taken from a photo by William Eggleston, who's had his work shown at the Whitney Museum ("Democratic Camera and Photograph and Video 1961-2008") and is widely credited with securing recognition for color photography as a legitimate artistic medium to display in art galleries. So remember Big Star fans, that record you hold in your hands is not just a great album, it's a legitimate piece of gallery art as well. And controversial art to boot (for the sexually-explicit poster silohettes appearing in the lower right-hand corner of the image.) Oh, Eggleston photos also provided album covers for Alex Chilton's Like Flies on Sherbet, Primal Scream's Give Out But Don't Give Up, and albums by Jimmy Eat World, Silver Jews, Chuck Prophet, and Joanna Newsom.

And, for the record: Trevor O'Shana shot the Isolation Party cover while Annie Reeds shot the chandelier cover for Vampire Weekend's self-titled debut album (allegedly taken somewhere on the Columbia University campus).

C'mon Get Herpes!

2009-06-13T12:25:00.006-04:00

C'mon Get Happy: Fear and Loathing on the Partridge Family Bus

A recent conversation with a friend about David Cassidy made me rummage through my clutter to dig out my copy of his sex- and dirt-filled 1994 autobiography C'mon Get Happy: Fear and Loathing on the Partridge Family Bus which, unbelievably, is out of print. I had to fact-check to make sure Keith Partridge did in fact commit TV incest by sleeping with his Partridge Family sis Laurie (Susan Dey) - he did, though it was after the show's run ended. I also came across my lone review for Baltimore's long-lamented Shockwave magazine, whose star writer was the legendary local rock and roll legend Todd Stachowski. I miss Shockwave, especially its "Letters from Assholes" column! Anyway, below is all the dirt you need to know about the former teen idol. Click on the scans below to enlarge.

"C'mon Get Herpes," Shockwave, page 1

"C'mon Get Herpes," Shockwave, page 2

Experimental Film Gets Punk'd

2009-06-04T10:19:00.000-04:00

The color of infinity inside an empty glass
I'm squinting my eye and turning off
and on and on and off the light

It's for this experimental film
Which nobody knows about and which
I'm still figuring out what's going to go
In my experimental film
- "Experimental Film" by They Might Be Giants

Some - what am I saying...most - experimental films take themselves way too seriously. Which is why I love filmmakers who occasionally take the stuffing out of experimental film's pretensions. Coleman Miller's Uso Justo is one such film.

Uso Justo
I was lucky to see this short in 2005 at Skizz Cyzyk's MicroCineFest film festival, where it won Best EXperimental Film and Audience awards. It also won the "Ken Burns Best of the Fest" Award at the 2005 Ann Arbor Film Festival. Uso Justo is a hilarious restructuring of an obscure 1959 Mexican film, created in the same recontextual spirit as Woody Allen's What's Up, Tiger Lily? and the restructured narratives of experimental filmmaker Craig Baldwin (Tribulation 99, Spectres of the Spectrum, Mock-up On Mu).

You used to be able to see the whole film at the digital mag Wholphin's website, but no longer. This is an Internet Archives/Open Source Movie clip from Coleman Miller's film "Uso Justo":

Even as You and I

Even as You and I: Hy Hirsch as the Idiot Savant

Of course, an earlier spoof of the experimental excesses of avant-garde cinema was Roger Barlow, Harry Hay and Leroy Robbin's hilarious 1937 short Even - As You and I, which you can find on the Kino Video DVD collection Avant-Garde - Experimental Cinema of the 1920s and 1930s.

You can also see this film on YouTube, as shown below:

Even as You And I - Part 1

Even as You and I - Part 2

(Roger Barlow, Harry Hay & LeRoy Robbins, USA , 1937, b&w, 12 minutes)

This brilliant spoof of surrealist films highlights the fine line between making “amateur” home movies and serious “high art.”

In it, three men come across an ad for an amateur filmmaking contest and, after failing to come up with a standard Hollywood scenario (their script gets as far as “boy meets girl”!), they see an article on Surrealism in Time Magazine and take to the “hot” genre like melting watches to a Salvador Dali landscape painting. In fact, the film’s narrative was based on a real-life amateur film contest sponsored by Liberty magazine and MGM’s Pete Smith “Specialty Films” unit that the film’s three directors entered (two of the directors, Roger Barlow and Harry Hay, portray themselves in the film). As Nicolas Rombes comments on his Professor DVD blog:

Many of the images in the film are shocking and surprising in a surrealist way, and yet because we know this is a comedy--and because the film is linked to "amateur" practices--they are easy to dismiss. I think the fact that this short movie uses the amateur context to make a mock avant-garde film is sort of telling: even though amateur film and avant-garde seem at opposite ends of the spectrum (one highly self-conscious, difficult, and artistic, one almost purely mimetic and supposedly artless) they are in fact closely linked.

The Enoch Pratt Free Library owns another great spoof of experimental films its 16mm film collection, Carson Davidson's award-winning Help! My Snowman's Burning Down (1964, 9 minutes, 16mm).

Help! My Snowman’s Burning Down
In this Oscar-nominated satire on avant-garde surrealistic films (1965, Best Short Subject, Live Action Subjects), a beatnik in a homburg hat sits in a bathtub on a New York pier, typing on toilet paper and later fishing by casting his ring-baited line down the bath drain. When a female hand emerges from the drain, he paints one fingernail and it disappears. When he opens a medicine cabinet, he finds another guy shaving on the other side. Eventually his bathtub sets sail in the harbour, only to encounter a toy sub in the film’s climax. Check this item in Pratt's catalog. Don't have a 16mm projector? Not to worry, somebody uploaded this film to YouTube:

Help! My Snowman's Burning Down

A YouTube commentator claims that HBO used to air Davidson's short between movies "back in the old days when they played short films between top-of-the-hour showtimes." That sounds pretty cool; wish I had HBO!

I dunno much about Carson Davidson. Some sources say he was a cinematographer on a cult film called The Flesh Eaters (1964) that was directed by Jack Curtis. Other sources say "Carson Davidson" was a pseudonym of Jack Curtis (!)(?). Whatever, his films are pretty interesting and worth checking out.

The Pratt Library also owns another Oscar-nominated short (1956, Best Short Subject) by Carson Davidson, 3rd Ave. El (1955). And yes, it's also on YouTube.

Related Links:
www.colemanmiller.com
Coleman's Blog: the seemless universe

Andy Roddick is a Dick

2009-06-02T08:56:00.020-04:00

And other 2009 French Open observations...

Don't worry Andy: Lacoste still loves you

I just finished watching Frenchman Gael Monfils defeat the last "American in Paris," world no. 6 Andy Roddick in straight sets at Roland Garros 6-4, 6-2, 6-3. And I realized that not only is Roddick a loser, and a sore loser at that, but a major dick.

Shock to the System
But first, the shock of the century in terms of tennis: Rafael Nadal lost at the French Open - and not to Roger Federer! No, the King of Clay lost on his favorite surface to a relative unknown in World No. 25, Swede Robin Soderling (how fitting that a fellow Swede protected Bjorn Borg's record of four consecutive Roland Garros crowns from being surpassed by the young Spaniard!). How did he do it? Soderling had a game plan and he executed it perfectly. First, he served big (an essential against Nadal); second, he flattened his forehand and took the ball early so that his volleys and Nadal's serves came back at Nadal fast and harder than Chinese arithmetic - some of those Soderling forehands sounded like skull-crunching Mike Tyson punches to the head (and this was on clay, not hard courts!). This helped keep Rafa pinned behind the baseline and tactically kept him on the defensive. I mean, what's the last time you saw Nadal, who tracks down everything (with authority), flail helplessly at his opponent's shots? Add to that Soderling's natural physical gifts of being tall - which enables him, whenever he doesn't take Nadal's shots early, to adjust and handle Nadal's high-bouncing topspin shots on the baseline - and having a two-handed backhand, which is almost a requirement against Nadal's heavy groundstrokes. Much as I love the one-handed backhand (especially Federer's), it often lacks the ooomph needed to put Nadal on the defensive.

The loss really had to needle Nadal, because he really dislikes Soderling. The world may not know much about Soderling, but Nadal sure does. Remember the ill feelings between the two in the third round of the 2007 Wimbledon tournament? Nadal beat the Swede in five sets in a delayed match that took five days to complete - 6-4, 6-4, 6-7 (7), 4-6, 7-5 - by which time they had seen more than enough of each other to last a lifetime. According to San Francisco Chronicle reporter Bruce Jenkins, Nadal told the Spanish press afterwards: "He's very strange. I say hello to him seven times to his face, he never answers. He hits a lucky shot, he does not wave (the protocol gesture of apology). I thought it was me, but I asked around the locker room and almost nobody has anything nice to say about him. If I fall down, he says nothing. He touches his ass, grabs his pants, makes fun of me - very unprofessional." (To see what ticked off Rafa in that match, check out this video clip of Soderling imitating Nadal.) So, OK, Nadal is out; but so, apparently, is a little class at the French Open. But there's still a pretty classy guy hanging around there...

Federer: Class not yet dismissed

Attention Deficit? Beast of Burden?
With Rafa out of the way, Roger Federer has the most realistic chance of his career to win the French Open title that has eluded him ever since Nadal came to own la terre battue. But Federer isn't the same Jolly Roger of years past; he's mortal now, losing to or being tested by players other than those named Djokovic, Nadal, Murray or his old Argentine nemesis David Nalbandian - people like Radek Stepanek, Giles Simon and Guillermo Canas. It's almost a distraction and a burden for him now. How else to explain dropping two sets against a skillful, but erratic, 31-year-old Tommy Haas? Still, Federer being Federer, with a Will To Triumph and a mental toughness matched only by Rafa Nadal, Roger came back from a 30-40, 3-4 third set deficit to reel off nine straight games and a 5-set win over a mentally deflated Haas and advance to a quarter-final match against the player he beat in last year's semi-final, French favorite Gael Monfils...

...who defeated last American hopeful Andy Roddick in straight sets in the fading light of Suzanne Lenglen Court at Roland Garros.

Monfils: Long 'n' lean retrieving machine

Paris: City of Lights...and Lightweights
I watched this match, and while, yes, the light was fading and Andy complained about it, it's funny how his supposed inability to "see" the ball didn't affect his opponent's ability to see the ball. Apparently, it was only dark on Roddick's side of the court. Hmmmm, it didn't seem to alter the quality of play at last year's Wimbledon final - you know, the Federer-Nadal final that's been called the match of the century. What I'm leading up to, of course, is the point of view I've had for years about the brash Texan with the big serve: he's a dick. Fellow Texan George W. Bush was called a Cowboy Diplomat, and I see Roddick's game as nothing but Cowboy Tennis. Big rocket serve, big crushing forehand, nothing else. All shock and awe. He's never added to that arsenal. Though he's been through a slew of coaches who've worked on improving his backhand (the one-handed slice backhand just doesn't work for him) and on encouraging him to come to net (he only seems to do it when he's down and panicking - and he still looks pretty awkward there), it's never happened. Because he's a stubborn Texan, like George W. If he can't win with power and bullying his opponent around the court, he's just not interested. He gets flustered, hot, and bothered.

And that's what he came up against in French super-athlete Gael Monfils. World no. 10 Monfils isn't much of a tactician, and I think he lacks mental toughness outside of his comfort zone (which is Roland Garros), but the guy can outrun just about anyone on the tour not named Rafael Nadal. He gets to everything. In fact, he used to wear himself out by trying to retrieve EVERYTHING his opponents threw at him. But he's noticeably muscled up his stringbean physique of late and grown mentally tougher as well. He nullified Roddick's serve (Monfils actually out-aced Roddick, if you can believe that!), and basically forced Roddick to hit more than one or two shots on his service games. That means volleying, and Roddick doesn't like long volleys because they require him to think and not just wail away at the ball and try to blow his opponents off the court. Monfils being a grinder, that forced Roddick into a lot of unforced errors and lost service games. Plus, well, Monfils has a beautiful touch at the net; some of those angled drop shots recall McEnroe back in his heyday, artistic strokes worthy of a Left Bank painter.

Oh, almost forgot: Monfils also out-bullied the Mighty Mopin' Power Ranger, hitting 45 winners to Roddick’s 18 and 17 aces to the Rocket Man's 4.

But what really got to me watching this match was listening to how rude and nasty Roddick was. After losing the second set, he yelled at a ball boy, "Yellow drink. I want a yellow drink. GET ME A YELLOW DRINK, GOT THAT!!!" Nice sportsmanship there, superstar. Then he yelled at the French umpire, "Don't tell ME that it's light enough out. I'm the one OUT THERE PLAYING. So don't you TELL ME ANYTHING."

What a total dickhead. When Monfils grinned after watching Roddick once again berate the chair umpire, Roddick shouted at him "You're not that good to get that cocky!" (Ummm, yes he is, Andy - and you're sure not gonna wipe that smile off his face!) And I'm sure Mr. Bluster didn't like Monfils working the decidely biased home crowd. But doesn't Roddick do exactly the same thing back in his house, the U.S. Open. And Andy, as your fellow American redneck Kid Rock would say, "You think I'm cocky, and I say 'What?'/It ain't cocky motherfucker if you back it up." Unfortunately, Roddick's mouth is just like his on-court game: all bullying power with no subtlety. He's got one U.S. Open title and nothing else since to back it up. Besides, if he won this match, he'd have had to face Federer, who's 18-2 lifetime against the brash baseliner. So go gently into the night Andy - and shut up or back it up. If not with results, then with class, like Roger.

Eminem's Head Up Bruno's Ass

2009-06-01T14:39:00.008-04:00

Butt-Munching at the MTV Movie Awards

I don't care if this turns out to have been staged. A picture is worth a thousand words and the sight of Sasa Baron Cohen's ass planted smack dab in front of noted homophobe Eminem's butt-ugly mug is priceless! Eminem looks testy over the proximity of Bruno's tea-baggin' testes!

MTV Music Awards Teabagging Video:

MTV Shows

See You on the Ground, Downtown

2009-05-31T11:44:00.004-04:00

New Baltimore City Slogan?

People always seemed surprised that a Man About Town like myself lives in the unhip suburbs instead of "happening" hoods like Hampden, Mt. Vernon, Bolton Hill, or the Station North Arts District. To which I can reply: read Justin Fenton's Assaults Assaults on rise in downtown and Peter Hermann's Downtown gets riskier after dark articles today's Baltimore Sun.

You see, I don't like violence, crime and confrontation. Given that my only self-defense skills were learned from the Roadrunner School of Meep Meep Runaway Evasion, I like safety. I know the suburbs have crime as well because crime today is global. Still, I've seen enough random acts of violence and provocation working downtown the last eight years to last me a lifetime.

See, I'm scared of aimless youths with nothing better to do than hassle people. Especially the girls. I've seen teenage and younger girls come into my workplace and harass people just because they look "soft" or wear glasses or talk funny or look different from them. One teenage girl actually told a friend of mine, "I could have you killed." Whether this was true or merely a statement intended to impress her friends, the ramifications are frightening. Funny, but if someone accidentally "disses" them - by an act as small as asking them to lower their voice in the library or stop running around like they're at a track meet - in their minds speaking back to them is grounds for a beat-down, if not justifiable homicide.

I used to be a sociable creature. Unfortunately, I've learned to tone it down and not look or speak to most people I see on the street. Someone somewhere will take offense just by me noticing their existance. Or ask me for money. Mr. Nice Guy has become Mr. Leave Me Alone and Mr. I Don't Wanna Be Involved. I just keep my pace brisk, my head down, and my nose out of trouble - as much I realistically can.

I came across an interactive local crimebeat website where people responded to the recent spate of downtown violence and found the following guy's post to be spot-on:

I just graduated from UB and have lived in Mt Vernon (and now Bolton Hill) for 10 years. This is a beautiful area and a great place to live. It is one of the few areas in Baltimore where you really don't need a car. That said, you will not feel safe at all times in Baltimore and if you do, it is an illusion. The best thing you can do is be aware of your surroundings and body language so you do not look like a victim. That is cost of living of living here I am afraid. That will be true even once this current increase in violence in gone. In the 90s we had to be careful of transvestite prostitutes... last year rapists on the balconies.... now young thugs. Welcome.

Do Not Cock Block

2009-05-27T10:01:00.003-04:00

You Will Be Beaten

Spotted this subversive urban graffiti scrawled across a doorway on the corner of Monument and Eutaw on my way into work today.

Fellows, you've been warned. Proceed only with caution.

Best Worst Library Book Titles

2009-05-26T18:16:00.025-04:00

One man's sirloin steak may be another's Hamburger Helper, but for me these have to be some of the best "worst" titles in the Enoch Pratt Central Library's collection. Hopefully some will be weeded and I can purchase them at the end of year book sale.

From the Business, Science & Technology Department:

Creative Recreation for the Mentally Retarded
Issam B. Amary, M.S.E.
Charles C. Thomas (1974)

Despite the politically insensitive title, this '70s guide has tons of great suggestions. I mean, who doesn't enjoy activities like the "Tennis Ball Bounce"? I suspect the cover is drawn by one of its target audience. Thanks to "Mr. Ray" for pointing this one out to me.

Coping with Mild Traumatic Brain Injury
Diane Stoler
Avery Pub. Group (1998)

I love the oxymoronic concept of something being "mildly traumatic." It's like something being "moderately severe." (Incidentally that last reference is to a song by Baltimore rock band Food For Worms, written by Mark O'Connor, who was inspired by the actual Social Security disability status "moderately severe." Sometimes truth is stranger than fiction.)

How To Shit in the Woods:
An Environmentally Sound Approach to a Lost Art
Kathleen Meyer
Ten Speed Press (1994)

Everything you need to known about outdoor defecation, urination and menstruation. (Just tell me wiping doesn't involve pine cones - eee-ouch!) Actually, this best-seller with the eyebrow-raising title is considered the "backpacker's Bible."

What's Your Poo Telling You?
Josh Richman and Anish Sheth
Chronicle Books (2007)

Poo that talks back is worse than poo that splashs back. This perfect bathroom reader is filled with "loads of facts."

And on a related note...from the Social Science & History Department:

Fart Proudly:
Writings of Benjamin Franklin You Never Read in School
Benjamin Franklin, ed. by Carl Japikse
Enthea Press (1990)

Believe me I do. That's why I live alone.

Of course, down in the Children's Department, younger readers may avail themselves of this Barf-O-Rama series title:

Juraissic Fart
Pat Pollari
Bantam (1997)

Now we really know why the dinosaurs died. Asphyxiation.

Continuing back to the Social Science & History Department...

Foreskin's Lament: A Memoir
Shalom Auslander
Riverdrome (2007)

The first cut is the deepest.

Castration: An Abbreviated History of Manhood
Gary Taylor
Routledge (2000)

I'm looking for a remaindered copy.

And up in the Humanities Department...

You Are Worthless:
Depressing Nuggets of Wisdom Sure To Ruin Your Day
Oswald T. Pratt
Andrew McNeel Pub. (1999)

And on that note...I bid you adieu!

See also:
Awful Library Books

Bladerunner Tees

2009-05-22T16:01:00.006-04:00

From the Silver Screen to the Silk Screen

My girlfriend turned me on to Last Exit To Nowhere, a website that sells movie-themed t-shirts, but only cool ones - not the obvious kind of movie memorabilia product you see elsewhere. Case in point, three very cool tees from my fave movie Bladerunner (1982):

Off World Colonies

A new life awaits you in the off world colonies!

“This announcement is brought to you by the Shimata Dominguez Corporation – helping America into the New World.”

Nexus-6

Programmed for Combat, Colonization, and Defense!

“I’ve seen things you people wouldn’t believe. Attacked ships on fire off the shoulder of Orion. I watched C-beams glitter in the dark near the Tannhauser gate. All those moments will be lost in time, like tears in rain. Time to die.”

Genetic Replicants

More human than human!

“If we gift them with a past, we create a cushion or a pillow for their emotions, and consequently, we can control them better.”

Honorable mention goes to the "Baltimore State Hospital" tee from The Silence of the Lambs...

...which looks kinda ordinary until you read the small print underneath: "Baltimore State Hospital for the criminally insane."

I Know What Is Best for Everyone

2009-05-22T12:41:00.002-04:00

Sensitive and Caring Men

2009-05-20T17:53:00.002-04:00

Do You Know Any?

My favorite postcard of all time.

Zoa Notes

2009-05-20T15:08:00.006-04:00

Anybody remember this "underground music and poetry" publication? More found documents from the '90s...This one has reviews of Liquor Bike and Buttsteak and an interview with Joe Goldsborough of Reptile House and the Merkin Records label.

Zoa Notes front

Zoa Notes page 2

Zoa Notes page 3

Zoa Notes back page

Disconnected

2009-05-20T15:03:00.003-04:00

Chris Ware gets it exactly right about the Cell Phone Age in his New Yorker comic strip. Guess I'm disconnected, because I hate cell phones.

Naughty Bits

2009-05-20T10:13:00.009-04:00

I recently cleaned off some of the crap hanging on my refrigerator...much of it was nasty.

Carousel Coupling at the City Fair

Anybody remember this infamous incident in the annals of Baltimore Babylon? I must have xeroxed a copy of the newspaper ad...

The infamous 1987 City Fair cartoon, fullsize

Close-up of coupling carousel couple

The only Internet mention is the one below by Sun columnist Dan Rodericks:

"In 1987, promoters of the Baltimore City Fair published in The Sun and Evening Sun an amusing advertisement that included a Where's Waldo kind of cartoon showing the crowd at the fair, and a couple coupling on a carousel. Yeah, the last part was a little joke by the art director, whose agency apologized and reimbursed the fair for the ads."

The Bad Taste of Mr. Goodbar

Am I the only kid who remembers this naughty candy tale?

The Penis Tree

Pee-pee Tree puts the schwing into Spring

Credit where credit is due: It was Senator Theatre Manager Gayle Grove who first alerted me to this topiary curio on nearby Woodburne Avenue. She had seen it while walking with her Mom, but knew that I would appreciate more than her mother, who looked away in disgust. I did, so much so that I went back with her one day to document this risque topiary creation for Atomic TV (check it out on the "You ASked For It" episode).

When we approached the house, a little kid came running out saying, "You wanna see the Pee-Pee Tree?"

"Sure," I said. "Did you do that?"

"No," the kid said, "but my brother did. You wanna look at it?"

The excited youngster led us into the back yard where he regaled us with his brother's garden art. When we asked him why his brother did it, he shrugged his shoulders. "I dunno, guess he just like pee-pees."

He seemed elated when we suggested setting up a hose or sprinkler at the tree's base so that water would shoot out of the top. "Yeah," he screamed, "so the Pee-Pee Tree can pee itself!"

Then a neighboring kid came over to play army and the little brother and the kid with the guns ran around the Pee-Pee Tree like some modern Pagan reenactment of a scene from The Wicker Man.

Only in Baltimore!

My Ego Knows No Bounds

2009-05-19T18:17:00.016-04:00

Looking at myself through the mirror of cyberspace

My past is history, my future a mystery...OK, so here's some history, as I continue to delve through the detritus of my post-Spring Cleaning gleanings to live in hindsight's golden vision...

Old "Found Fotos" of Tommy Gunn

Katatonix drummer "Tommy Gunn"

Geezus, lookit that hair! That's me as Thee Katatonix drummer "Tommy Gunn" (yes, I took my nom de stage from the Clash song - not the poet Thom Gunn) playing at some God-awful shithole in the God-awful Shithole Days. What a scrappy looking kit, too; I think my floor tom is literally sitting on the floor! I bought that kit for a song from a law student who needed to buy new textbooks.

A more respectable, cleaned-up Tommy Gunn

Well, at least the hair's shorter. Must be from our April 1979 debut at Towson's Oddfellow's Hall. I was still wearing my college uniform of button-down blue shirt and cordoroy pants. For some strange reason, I never wore jeans during my college career; either I was subconsciously rebelling against Hippie fashion or my years in a preppy high school ingrained in me the vanilla-blandness of the WASP Dress Code. Full disclosure: I even wore a Kelly green cable-knit sweater to band practice!

Longshot of Tommy manning his Gunns

Above is my fave pic from this era as, from a distance I kinda resemble Paul Weller playing drums. (Though a co-worker thought I looked more like a blonde Beatle - would that make me "Blingo Starr"?) Note the cinder block in front of the open face bass drum. My kit used to move around stage. Sometimes I had bassist Katie Katatonic stand in front of it, but she was a lightweight and her lithe frame was easily tossed aside like a leaf-blowin'-in-the-wind by the savage force of my off-beat pounding.

Speaking of savage poundings, my Big Beat became so legendary that cartoonist (and punk rock enthusiast) Ned Riddle asked me to pose for one of his "Mr. Tweedy" strips, as shown below:

Ha! Tweedy, pure hi-larity!

And speaking of 'toons, no one made the Kats look better than George Wilcox (or was it Dave?) in his "The Band That Adds Assault To Insult" flyer:

Being a Towson State University guy, I used to hang out a lot at Oddfellows Hall, which was just up the street from the university (or "Towson You-Adversity" as we called it affectionately) across from what is now the Recher Theatre (then the Towson Theatre), where there was also head shop, a Little Tavern and an Old Man's Bar called The Kent Lounge (a personal fave dive, as Sourcis attracted high school kids with fake IDs and The Crease was a lacrosse/preppy hangout). As the name implies, it attracted a "Beautiful Weirdo" demographic of punks, hippies, druggies, rock musicians, and other social misfits. Below I can be seen cavorting with TSU Class Clown Marty Benson (aka Dimi Petrol and Dr. Bongo) in my Clockwork Orange Droogie ensemble. I remember Marty always called me "Von Tom." Oh, this was Halloween, hence the festive garb.

Clowning around at Oddfellows Hall, Halloween 1979

Funny thing is, I did used to wear that getup - the bowler derby hat, long black overcoat (I called it my "deathcoat" - this was years before the dour, dark "Columbine Look"), dark sunglasses and cords - around campus on occasion.

Though sometimes I let my guard - and pants - down. (I was single, after all!)

The Great Ecstacy of the 16mm Film Series

2009-05-18T11:59:00.014-04:00

The Great Ecstacy of the Sculptor Steiner
Gravity Is My Enemy
Wednesday, May 20, 7 p.m.
The Hexagon, 1825 N. Charles St., hexiconspace.com

Once again I applaud the film enthusiasts at The Hexagon for unearthing gems from the Enoch Pratt Central Library's 16mm film collection. This week's "FREE Wednesday 16mm Film Series" program looks at two unusual artists - one an athletic sculptor who as a skier defied gravity, the other a quadriplegic painter bound by it. Both push the limits of human spirit and expression.

The Great Ecstacy of the Sculptor Steiner
(Werner Herzog, 1975, 45 minutes, in German with English subtitles.)

"Great Ecstacy" opening clip

This is German director (and ski enthusiast) Werner Herzog's documentary about Walter Steiner, a Swiss woodcarver who is considered the world's greatest ski jumper (here called "ski flyers"), who effortlessly broke all the sport's records. It was the first film Herzog tackled after the rigors of directing Klaus Kinksi in Aguirre: The Wrath of God. Following the skier's preparation for an event in Yugoslavia, Herzog uses ultra-slow-motion photography to capture the "ski flyer's ecstasy" as he is compelled to take his creative impulse to the absolute limit. The poetic images of beauty and danger are complimented by a dreamy guitar score by Krautrock band Popol Vuh.

Gravity Is My Enemy
(John C. Joseph, 1977, 26 minutes)
1978 Academy Award winner - Best Documentary Short Subject

"Gravity Is My Enemy" clip

This Academy Award-winning short profiles the life of Mark Hicks, who was paralyzed from the neck down at the age of 12 yet painted and drew by holding a brush, pencil, or ink pen between his teeth. It paints a palette similar to that of local artist Dan Keplinger, a Parkville High and Towson University grad with cerebal palsy who was the subject of Susan Hannah Hadary and William Whiteford's 1999 Oscar-winning documentary King Gimp.

I haven't gone to any Hexagon screenings yet but I sure plan to. I've only met one of their programmers, a young lady by the name of Lisa; the other programmer is local filmmaker Miguel Sabogal, who recently screened his Cube shorts trilogy (Dream's Structure, Escape, and Behind the Red Door) at the 2009 Maryland Film Festival.

They've brought renewed interest to 16mm film and I thank them for it.

I Was a Captain Chesapeake Crewmember

2009-05-18T10:17:00.020-04:00

My Most Treasured Membership Card

"A shipwrecked sailor found himself in a plight. Lost at sea he was really a sight. He swam and swam 'til he thought he'd die, when a wondrous sight appeared to his eye. A derelict boat that saved his life and put an end to his watery strife."

Hey, I recently posted some pix of some of my most treasured ID cards, but no one is closer to my heart than my Captain Chesapeake Crewmember card. Captain Chesapeake sailed the placid seas of Loch Raven Reservoir with his crew of Bruce the (invisible) Bird and Andrewclaws the Lion (who eventually ran away "Downy Ocean" - to Ocean City, MD) from 1971-1990 until passing away at the age of 74 in 2000 at his (landlocked) Timonium home. Captain C's afternnoon TV block on Baltimore station WBFF-TV (Channel 45) gave me my education in the history of low-brow populist entertainment. It was thanks to him that I got my daily fix of Batman, The Three Stooges, Crusader Rabbit, Cisco Kid, Our Gang/The Little Rascals, Felix the Cat, and all those Hanna-Barbara cartoons, especially my fave cat-and-dog-strange-alliance cartoon Ruff and Ready (featuring Professor Gizmo and with voices by Daws Butler and Don Messick!). Needless to say, in the pre-Internet, pre-cable, pre-On Demand Seventies, Captain Chesapeake was a Godsend to high school and college stoners everywhere; it was always "4:20" when you heard the Cap'n ring his bell!

And it was thanks to the nepotism of George Lewis, who portrayed Captain C (as well as Ghost Host and before that "Steamboat Bill" - a W. C. Fields reference, of course - when he was kiddie host in Huntington, West Virginia) that I first got exposed to his niece, future Maryland Lottery Ball Girl Katrina Owens. Unfortunately, appearing on "Captain Chesapeake" was probably the peak of her television career - I'll never forget the night the lottery ball machine malfunctioned and Katrina had to ad-lib live for 3 minutes, her smooth "That's the number 6, as printed on the ball" delivery interrupted by a sudden short-tempered aggravation fit; her "career" never recovered, even when she later started dating Orioles).

Capt. C. Intro, set to the Three Suns tune "Stumblin'"

Later in life I met Capt. C's sea monster "Mondy" (pronounced Moan-dee), who was sort of a Grade-Z Loch Ness Monster (or rather, a Loch Raven Reservior Monster), working as a cameraman for a local news station. When I told Mondy that I was a fan, he replied, "Oh God, that's a part of my life I was hoping to forget!"

Phooey, Mondy! As Capt. Willard said in Apocalypse Now, you're either on the boat or you're off the boat. So be proud and don't abandon ship!

So long crewmembers!

Captain C links:
Captain Chesapeake Intro (video)
A few minutes with Captain Chesapeake (video)
Capt. C Obit

ID Cards

2009-05-17T13:55:00.015-04:00

These Are People I Have Been

Going through my clutter, I ran across some old ID cards that I thought'd I'd preserve on the Internets before they turned yellow and faded away...

Ah, the timeless classic from my single days when I went out and did things before becoming a Man About Townhouse recluse in the numbingly dull suburbs. I remember this guy Don liked my card so much, he used wite-out to cover up my name and number and replaced it with his. He gave me one at a City Paper "Best Of" party one year when he strolled in with a young nubile hottie on his arm. As Sinatra sang, "Nice work if you can get it..." Don sure got more play out my card than I ever did!

This is my University of Baltimore law school ID, from the short-lived period when I deluded myself that I could be a respectable member of society. (And when I still had some hair.) I was watching a lot of Honeymooners episodes on UPN Channel 24 back then, hence my sartorial homage to Ed Norton's "t-shirt-with-vest look. Note the baby fat in my cherubic cheeks (yes, I was still living at home and subject to Ma Warner's buffet-every-day feedings).

This is my Universal Life Church Minister's card, from when I was still aiming for respectability, albeit from an Internet ministry that sold ordainships for as little as a $5 "donation." Scott Huffines and I later got ordained as Parochial Educators in the belief that it would keep us from getting sued for any transgressions resulting from our public access show Atomic TV. Scott later got married by a Baltimore-based ULC minister named John Waters (perhaps you've heard of him?).

My "Jobless Reprobate" bum card listing my skill set ("Gambling, Boozing & Skirt-chasing"), back from when I was unemployed and spending way too much time at Pimlico Racetrack with other n'ere-do-wells. This card didn't go over too well at job fairs, needless to say. You can tell it's an old card - Juno was still around as an ISP (and no, the e-mail address is no longer valid!).