Monday, December 27, 2010

I'm Never Alone with My Clones

My "Separated At Birth" Doppelganger List (Updated)

Thanks to Cecilia Strakna for the latest sightings of my separated-at-birth siblings, like Martina Navratilova...

Me and Martina (I'm the one on the right)

and Tom Petty...

Nothing petty about this comparison: Me and TP

Yes, the Martina comparison is frightingly spot-on, and I used to get Tom Petty comments all the time when I was younger, gaunt-er (is that a word?) and had more - and longer - of my trademark straggly hair. It used to be every African-American person I met would call me either "Tom Petty" or, back when I played pick-up basketball, "Larry Bird" - the latter comparison inevitably forcing me to reply, "I'm flattered, but you'll soon see my game is more Chucky Driesell [former Maryland Terrapins coach Lefty Driesell's talent-challenged/benchwarming son] than Bird!"

Of course, I naturally prefer Lori Heddinger's pic of my blue-eyed twin, Paul Newman:

Me and Paul Newman (FYI, I'm on the left)

OK, fair enough. Add 'em to my ever-growing list...This isn't my list, but one comprised of people I've been told I resemble - most comparisons here come from high-functioning mentally deficient peeps, though some are courtesy of normal people who weren't dropped on their heads as babes.

Team Doppleganger: Wuz We Separated At Birth?

This is me. Now check out the rest of my alleged clones.

1. Carson Kressely

"Lemme blow ya - a kiss!"

My Couture Cousin from TV's Queer Eye for the Straight Guy. I'm a better dresser though (Carson is too into flaming pastel threads!).

2. Keith Urban

I wish! Dude looks like a lost brother of the Gibb Brothers Tribe. The Country & Western-loving bagger lady at Eddie's insists I look like him. (Was this middle-aged grandma hitting on me?)

3. Julian Sands

We both have that manly, Slavic jaw thing going on, like something only a Cubist painter or Rock 'Em-Sock 'Em Robot would envy. Oh yeah, and that Flying V receding hairline thang is definitely going on as well!

4. Bob (Frank Silva) from TWIN PEAKS

Fear me!

5. Charlie Watts

Definitely. And I played drums, too! Wait - or should that line be: "But unlike me, Charlie could actually play drums"?

6. Martin Short

Guess it's the schnozzola. I used to work as a contractor at BGE and this Jamaican guy there would always greet me at the coffee machine with a "Greetings, Mr. Marteen Short, mon!"

7. Nick Gilder

Hmmm, maybe when I had long hair and my youthful cheeks were more sullen and gaunt. Does anyone even remember "Hot Child in the City"? These days I'm more like "Old Man in the Suburbs."

8. The Greaseman (DC 101 DJ Don Tracht,

When his hair thinned, he kinda looked like me on Steroids. Always loved the Greaseman - better than his old station mate Howard Stern, for my money!

9. Kato Kaehlin

Exhibit A: Classic longhair edition

Exhibit B: Nouveau shorthair edition

Conair the Barbarian! I can certainly see a resemblance, though Kato looks smarter.

10. William Hurt

All I know is, the resemblance is Hurt-in' me bigtime.

11. David Spade

I do love his "No Can Do" attitude!

12. Southside Johnny of Asbury Jukes fame

God what an ugly fucker! Let's move on, shall we?...

13. Bill Maher

I don't see this one at all, but there's this pain-in-the-ass regular at the library who I detest who insists that I look like Bill Maher - probably just to (further) annoy me. Again, as with Martin Short, I think it has to do with my studly schnozz. (You know what they say: big nose, big...nostrils!)

14. Gary Numanesque Alien from made-for-TV doc FUTURE SHOCK.

OK, I made that last one up (taking a pic from the little known 1972 documentary based on Alvin Toffler's book Future Shock and featuring narration by Orson Welles from his I-Need-A-Paycheck period) - but only because of my triskadekaphobia (I needed a #14!). My girlfriend Amy says this looks like a mummified Incan child. (I didn't ask her if that was turn-on or not.) Personally, this dude reminds me more of Paul Williams. Either way, it's an improvement over Southside Johnny!


Well, there you have it People Watchers. I neglected to mention the junkie guy at the library who once quipped that I looked a lot like "This dude I knew who got shot in the face" (he didn't specify whether I looked like the guy before or after his face got blown away), but I left that one off because no picture (and possibly no face) was available to post. Please lemme know if you can think up any more. Suggestions are always welcome. But please limit submitted likenesses to mammals.

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