2012 Mayor's Christmas Parade in Hampden, edit

40th Annual Mayor's Christmas Parade
Hampden-Medfield
December 2, 2012

Feet Accompli: the Mayor's Christmas Parade is an event where Baltimorons let it all hang out

It’s that time of year again, time for one of Baltimore’s great holiday traditions, the 40th annual Mayor’s Christmas Parade in Hampden. This year’s parade – the last organized by Tom Kerr – was Grand Marshaled by Baltimore celebrity and best-selling mystery writer Laura Lippman (aka Mrs. David Simon) and featured the usual holiday season suspects parading down 36^th Street:  over 150 marching units; colorful and unusual floats; local TV and Radio personalities; Fez-toting Boumi Temple Shriners riding miniature flying carpets, trucks and all-terrain vehicles; over 100 Harley Davidson motorcycles; hydraulic suspension-bouncing lowriders; a steam calliope; the Mummers of Philadelphia; Miss Yuletide and Jr. Miss Yuletide; Café Hon glutton-for-punishment Denise Whiting (who elicited yawns instead of scorn as her convertible sped by); and even Santa Claus himself (called by some purists the “unseen but omnipresent behavior monitor” of naive children and the grotesquely commercial “false god” of Christmas).

The Boumi Temple Shriners are always a  highlight of the parade, especially their bizarre Crippled Children Float.
 

The Shriners pledge "You'll Never Walk Alone"

Below is a video clip featuring the Shriners - and many other bizarre floats - from a previous Mayor's Christmas Parade.

And it was also good to see The Lone Ranger (aka Garry Cherricks, of Salisbury, Md.) once more back in the saddle for his fourth trip down The Avenue, though not atop his “best friend and partner” Silver.

The Lone Ranger says "Hi-Yo Silver II!"

 

According to the Baltimore Messenger, Cherrick's trusty white steed was put down May 19 following a tragic fall. Instead, the Lone Ranger debuted Silver II, an 11-year-old gelding that Cherricks found near Nashville, Tenn., in August. (Alas, no Tonto in sight; he was probably negotiating with the Governor about opening an Indian Casino at National Harbor.)

I must note that Silver II was very well toilet-trained, because of all the horses riding down the street this day (and there were a lot!), Silver No. 2 was the only one I didn't see plop out some No. 2's! (For an account of 2010's defecating "Animals On Parade," see the video clip below.)

This year's parade marked the debut of a pair of Sock Monkeys (or were they Yetis? Missing Links? I get my footwear/fuzzy mammals confused) who amused the crowd with their furry tomfoolery and monkeying around.

The Sock Monkeys wait for a bus to take them back home to the sock drawer

It was also a treat to see followers of the Chinese spiritual discipline Falun Dafa (aka Falun Gong) in the parade. (Was this their first appearance?)

Falun Dafa asks "What's so funny about Truth, Compassion and Tolerance?"

This group, founded in the early 1990s by Li Hongzhi, practices a form of meditation and slow-moving qigong exercises that was later banned by fast-moving, slow-thinking Communist Chinese authorities. Falun Dafa literally means "Dharma Wheel Practice" and their motto is "Truth, Compassion and Tolerance" - no wonder they're banned in China! Founder Li has lived in the United States since 1996 and hundreds of thousands are believed to practice the discipline across some 70 countries worldwide.

It's interesting that their symbol (shown above right) is the very swatzika that Adolf Hitler "re-purposed" for his Nazi Party back in the 1930s, ironically an icon not completely unwelcome in pre-gentrified Hampden back in the day (don't forget, the Ku Klux Klan marched through here as late as the 1970s!) .

 
The Falun Dafa go through the motions in the Mayor's Christmas Parade

The crowd also clearly enjoyed the Urban Legends Car Club's hydraulic suspension lowriders that defied gravity to bounce up and down The Avenue (though I'm glad they don't live in my neighborhood!). 

Urban Legends C.C. keep crowds in hydraulically suspended disbelief!

 
This is the way we roll bounce!

 
Wonder if these guys are eligible for Safe Driver Discounts?

Of course, one cannot mention lowriders without the obligatory shout out to War's classic anthem "Low Rider," so without further ado:



My favorite part of this motorcade was observing how fans flocked to pose with Malcolm Stoll of Kiss 'N' Makeup (who doubles as Baltimore's unofficial Chelsea FC Ambassador) in front of the souped-up cars, as shown below.

Malcolm Stoll rolls with it!

 That's the way Malcolm Stoll rolls!

But the real highlight of the parade for me was another holiday tradition – seeing dancer/choreographer Suzanne Muldowney (aka "Underdog," “Underdog Lady”) once again march down 36^th Street. Though she’s achieved fame both locally (thanks to her frequent appearances on AtomicTV’s holiday specials) and nationally (thanks to Howard Stern’s TV and radio show and Boris Gavrilovic's 2006 documentary My Life as an Underdog) for her appearances as ‘60s canine superhero Underdog, this year she appeared as the "Fairy of the Golden Snow."

Goldfinger: Suzanne Muldowney is the "Fairy of the Golden Snow" whose magic wand turns golden snowflakes white as they touch the ground

Suzanne Muldowney: Solid Gold Dancer
Luckily, my fellow Atomic TV/Baltimore Or Less cohort Scott "Unpainted" Huffines and I were able to catch up with Suzanne after the parade. She brought us up to date on her busy career as parade-marching performance artist and interpretive dancer.

Flanked by flaky fans Tom "Man About Town" Warner and Scott "Unpainted" Huffines of Atomic TV, Suzanne Muldowney shows off her Fairy of the Golden Snow (note Suzanne and Scott adopting the non-smiling "Mona Lisa" pose while Tom merely grimaces) 

"Suzanne, you're not Underdog this year!" I blurted, with my patented flair for the obvious, as we met up on the end of Chestnut Avenue.

When she explained her "Fairy of the Golden Snow" character, Scott  asked, "Golden Snow, is that like yellow snow? Or frozen Golden Showers?"

We snickered, the thought of "yellow snow" and "golden showers" making our primitive, prurient minds think of Frank Zappa songs, sex fetishist-turned-sex feminist Annie Sprinkle, and Michelle the Atomic TV "Pee Girl" (whose talents were captured in our "Cones and Rods Party" episode).
 

Fairy Forecast: Golden showers turning to white snow

All that dribbles is not gold!

Nanook, no, no - don't you eat that yellow snow!

Where's the Golden Snow Fairy when you need her?

Street-smart Snoop Dog knows that shit ain't right!

Suzanne ignored our low-brow cracks and, when I mentioned that I recalled seeing her in a gold outfit before, confirmed that this year's ensemble was indeed a reprise of her 2006 costume - and one of the few non-Underdog characters (such as 2003's Ghost of Christmas Past - honoring the 160th anniversary of the publication of Charles Dickens's A Christmas Carol - which she will resurrect at next year's parade to celebrate the 170th anniversary of the Dickens classic) she has presented at the parade.

But there's no need to fear, Underdog will be here in two more years, Suzanne promises. 

There's no need to fear - Underdog will be here in two more years!

2014 will mark the 50th anniversary of the Underdog cartoon show, which debuted on the NBC television network on October 3, 1964. And though gold is the color associated with 50th anniversaries, Suzanne assures her fans that she will once again don her familiar, hand-made red costume and blue cape in honor of the historic occasion.

Can't wait for 2014 when once more it'll be hip-hip-hip and away she goes - time for Underdog to save the day!

If it's Yellow, Let It Mellow
Now, Scott and I both shot video footage of the parade, including our exclusive interview with Suzanne Muldowney as Fairy of the Golden Snow; unfortunately we have day jobs and are either too busy or (in my case) too lazy to edit and upload it just yet. But stay tuned, Atomic TV/Underdog fans - your orbs will soon be treated to this video field report.

In the meantime, here's a trip down Memory Lane, a remembrance of Fairies of Golden Snows Past, to tide Suzanne Muldowney fans over...

Hindsight Is Golden
Suzanne Muldowney last appeared here as the Fairy of the Golden Snow in 2006, when she sang English and Latin versions of "Silent Night" backed by The Awkward Sounds of Scott & Skizz (or A.S.S.S. - a duo made up of Scott Wallace Brown and Skizz Cyzyk, who characterizes themselves as "2 guys playing little music on little instruments"). 

Scott and Skizz provided awkward backing as Suzanne Muldowney sang "Silent Night" during her 2006 appearance as fairy of the Golden Snow

For your viewing pleasure, a repeat performance of Suzanne singing "Silent Night" is shown below.



 
Related Links:
Hampden Christmas Parade 2006  (Accelerated Decrepitude)

Natty Boh Film Festival

Saturday, July 30 2011 @ Fraziers on the Avenue
919 W. 36th Street, Baltimore, MD. (410) 662-4914
fraziersonthe avenue.com

The inaugural 2011 Natty Boh Film Festival was held this past Saturday night at Fraziers on The Avenue in Hampden and featured 16mm prints of vintage Natty Boh commercials (courtesy of Sam Fitzsimmons) - not to mention some Natty Boh DVD rarities from Atomic TV and the excellent documentary Mr. Boh's Brewery by Alex Castro, Harry Connelly and Lyle Hein - as well as live music about Natty Boh (and other quality-of-life essentials in the Land of Pleasant Living) by The Motor Morons, TT Tucker, The Beatoes (a special reunion for the former Baltimore eccentrics whose leader Chris Dennstaedt now resides up I-95 in Philadelphia), Mongolodian Glow, and some related songs by guest artists (at least I suppose so - I wasn't able to hang around for the full night's festivities because my girlfriend Amy had to get up at 5 in the morning for work!).



Although many troubadours took the stage on this night, I didn't hear anybody sing my favorite vintage jingle, the one once belted out in a Boh ad by a cartoon Lord Baltimore: “National Beer, National Beer, you’ll like the taste of National beer.” Though most people associate National Bohemian with the one-eyed Mr. Boh, there was a whole cast of characters in the Land of Pleasant Living and they were all given a shout-out in this song: “There’s Chincoteague oysters and crabs and clams, and fried chicken and Virginia hams, and while we’re singing, we’re proud to say, it’s brewed on the shores of the Chesapeake Bay.”

Likewise there was quite a cast of local characters on hand for the evening's festivities because in the Land of Pleasant Living and National Beer, "good things happen when you put the two together." I spotted Skizz Cyzyk, Bob Wagner, Teresa Dugan, Liz Abeth, John Ellsberry and even Ellsberry's erstwhile Dork Brothers (and former City Paper and New York Press art director) pal Michael Gentile, who was back in town from NYC for the occasion.


DORK BROS: John Ellsberry and Michael Gentile

But before the films came the tunes...

Down the Beatoe Path: Chris D. Returns to Charm City


The Beatoes open their tab at the Natty Boh Film Festival

First up were The Beatoes, featuring Chris Dennstaedt (Poverty & Spit) on guitar and vocals...


Chris Dennstaedt

...Charleigh Chadwick (The Livers, Pornflakes) on guitar...


Charleigh sez: "Love my Good 'n' Plenty!"

...Chris "Batworth" Ciattei (Go Pills, etc.) on drums and Mike Kiker (of Philly's St. James and the Apostles) on bass.

I really liked Chris D.'s t-shirt that said "Big Man Music," a reference to his dearly departed friend (and former Beatoe) Mark Harp (Mark "Harpo" Linthicum); my girlfriend Amy Linthicum (Mark Harp's former wife) certainly got a "big" kick out of it as well!


Big Man musician Chris and little music lover Amy

It was the first of two shout-outs this night to The King of Peru (who passed away before his time in 2004), as Sam Fitzsimmons ended his Motor Morons set by crying out his name and holding up Mark's guitar. It made sense on this night of remembrance of good things past, for Harp was every bit a part of Baltimore lore and legend as Mr. Boh (whose namesake libation is now brewed out of town by Pabst).

The Beatoes opened with "Beer Drinkin' Woman," an obvious homage to Mrs. Boh, aka "Natalie Boh" (doh! - if only Amy had remembered to wear her Natalie Boh t-shirt this night!).


Mrs. Boh: Beer Drinkin' Woman

Watch the Beatoes play "Beer Drinkin' Woman."


Next up was "Polyester" and "12-Bar Blooze" and probably some other tunes I should know (but the sound mix at Fraziers was a little, how should I say, funky?).

Watch the Beatoes play "Polyester" and "12-Bar Blooze."


Anyway, following are some Beatoes pix I took before running to the back bar for a Boh (oddly priced at $2.20 a can - obviously feeling the effect of the new city beverage tax hike). Oh, I also made a quick stop in the Men's Room, where I had to agree with this thought-provoking graffiti:



OK, back to the Beatoes...


"Hey Charleigh, how do ya hold this stringy thing???"


"Like this???"


"How about like this???"


"I see...ya lift it upright like this!" Chris D. says as a disgusted Charleigh Chadwick turns his back on him


"I see - you sling this thing over your hips!"


"Got it! Under control now! Ready to rock!"


"I'm so happy to be here, I'm glowing!" Chris effuses.


"Is it just me, or did someone turn on the infra-red light? We really must be cooking tonight!"

On with the Boh Show

And now for a word from our sponsors...



After the Beatoes finished their set and broke down their gear, a big screen was set up and the film screening started. Although there were some technical difficulties with the 16mm films that came from Motor Morons bassist Sam Fitzsimmons' private collection (the projectors were provided by Hampden's own audio-visual specialists, the Falkenhan's Audio Visual Service over on 34th and Chestnut Avenue), everyone enjoyed the vintage National Bohemian commercials that were screened.


The Fraziers crowd is mesmerized by the Natty Boh films


"Hey, we're turning black and white like these Natty Boh ads!" Skizz observes, while Amy quips "In that case, I hope Liz and I turn into animated dancing clam shells - though I'd be tempted to eat myself!"

As a backup, someone called former Senator Theatre owner (and current candidate for Baltimore City Council President) Tom Kiefaber to give a hand with the the screening, and Tom brought along a DVD of ads taken from the Atomic TV public access television show's "Atomic Cocktail Hours" episode as well as from the Mr. Boh's Brewery documentary - some of which I had never seen (like the French chef cartoon with Frenchy serving Mr Boh the "wet, cold and delicious" brew from the shores of the Chesapeake Bay, a Preakness Stakes Boh ad, and the dancing clamshells of Maryland's capital, "Clamapolis"!).























I hope the Natty Boh documentary becomes available soon on DVD, because it promises to be chock-full of "extra feature" goodies like these vintage ads (the film transfers look beautiful!). Until then, this Atomic TV sampler will have to suffice:



Watch ATV's "Classic Natty Boh TV Commercials."


The Motor Morons

Next up were The Motor Morons - Jeff Bridges lookalike Sam Fitzsimmons on bass and vocals, "Wild Bill" Hagy lookalike Craig Stitchcombe (Judie's Fixation) on the skins, TT Tucker (Tom DiVenti, whose Baltimoronic pedigree goes back to late '70s punk rockers Da Moronics) on the guitar, Fred Collins on machines and vocals, Blade on vox and firestarter device (?) - who took to the stage in pitch darkness, all the better for the sparks to (literally) fly during their incendiary metallic K.O. set! Though the Morons have played just about every venue in Charm City over their long existence, I've most associated them with the annual SoWeBo Festival, where they've been absent the last several years; so it was good to see them back in a setting where their genius was once again fully appreciated.


Motor Morons make merry metallic music mayhem!

The Morons opened with "Another Girl."

Watch Motor Morons play "All You Want Is Another Girl."


I'm not as adept as Amy when it comes to discerning which Motor Moron song is which, but I'm pretty sure I heard "Urinal Cakes" and "No Brakes" in there, and probably "Big Truck."

Watch Motor Morons make more music mayhem.


Following are some Motor Moron pix I took.























Unfortunately, the Morons set was the last tune-age we would hear for the evening, as Amy had to get up early the next morning. But I'm glad Amy was there to hear Sam Fitzsimmons bid adieu to former Motor Moron Mark Harp (circa 1998-2004), holding up Harpo's 4-string guitar as he shouted "Mark Harp!"

Watch Motor Morons say goodnight @ Fraziers.


On the way out, we ran into Amy's friend Robyn Webb, who was playing pool in the adjacent room. We exchanged chit-chat about spotted dick and mushy pees - er, peas - since we all love British pub food (though Amy and I didn't discover spotted dick until we "spotted" it next to a packet of Asian "Cock Soup" in the Dundalk Giant's International food isle).


A blurry Robyn Webb and Amy Linthicum say goodnight as my camera battery runs out

What a fun night! But I have a question for the folks at Fraziers: since former milltown Hampden is becoming increasingly upscale and well-heeled, can we expect a National Premium Film Festival anytime soon? It was the "classy" beer of choice in this town for many years. Expensive? Yes. Extravagant? No.

Related Links:
Natty Boh Film Festival set on Flickr
Natty Boh Documentary
"Boh & Utz: A Love Story" (Smythe ad)
Atomic TV's "Classic Natty Boh Commercials"