Wednesday, October 26, 2005

What Your Car Says About You

This Year's Models
An article in today's New York Times referenced a survey of "favorite chick cars" and "favorite guy cars" conducted by the NPR radio show "Car Talk." The winners are presented below.

FAVE CHICK CARS OF ALL-TIME



1. VW BEETLE
Beetlemania! Chicks still go wild over the Beetles. "The VW Beetle. A chick car, definitely. And made to be so. How? I know of no other automobile with a FLOWER VASE as standard equipment."

2. VW CABRIOLET
"All teen-age girls classify them as cute. 'Nuff said."

3. MAZDA MIATA
"I discovered this phenomenon when I got a Miata. "Girlie car." That's all I heard."

4. VW JETTA
"Anything by Volkswagen is a chick car. VW realized this years ago and joined forces with another company to sell guy cars--they called that company Porsche."

5. DODGE NEON
"Neons are Barbie cars: little and cute and rounded in the hips. Even in black, they are feminine and adorable, only just a bit tougher, like Tattoo Barbie."

FAVE GUY CARS OF ALL-TIME


1. FORD MUSTANG
"A back seat guaranteed to be too small for your mother-in-law."

2. CHEVY CORVETTE
"I believe the main aspect that determines the male/female state of a car is based on the engine-compartment-(hood)-to-cab-length ratio. A car such as a pickup or Corvette has a large hood-to-cab-length ratio."

3. CHEVY CAMERO
"...with twice the horsepower needed. Used to show other guys how manly you really are."

4. FORD F-150 PICKUP
"Any car with numbers or letters for a name, or tacked on the end, can become a guy car. For example, F-150 or Civic-SI."

5. DODGE VIPER
"It might be a guy car if there was a movie or TV show built entirely around it. Other examples include Burt Reynolds' Trans Am from Smokey and the Bandit, Nash Bridges' Hemi Cuda convertible, and Jim Rockford's Firebird."

MY GIRLFRIEND AMY'S FAVE CARS

1. MINI COOPER
2. TOYOTA SCION XA
3. MAZDA 3
4. TOYOTA SCION XB
5. SUZUKI AERIO





FAVE GAY & LESBIAN CARS

As voted by "Car Talk" listeners (whose comments are reproduced below).

1. DODGE NEON
"Five of us gay girls went camping with two gay males. The girls all showed up in small pickups, with various large dogs in the backs. The boys showed up in a purple Dodge Neon, with a little lap dog (which, of course, rode up front with them in the air conditioning)."

2. VW CABRIO
"The VW Cabrio should definitely be in the running. The cute, yet spiffy styling screams, "Urban Gay Male," especially with the top down."

3. SUBARU FORRESTER
"It has to be the Subaru Forrester. Way cooler than a minivan. When you are picking up the kids from school the other parents know you mean business. "Hey here comes that gay mom in her Forrester –better let her through. Yesterday someone cut her off so she four-wheeled past the flag pole to pick up her kid," the other moms whisper with envy."

4. VOLVO V70XC
"Gay men want to be politically correct, but have tons of fun. Many of us enjoy the outdoors, but are conscious of the environment. We want to arrive in style (and without having to get grease under our fingernails.) And let's not forget the children--either human or dog. So it's pretty clear to me . . . with AWD, world renowned safety including an inflatable curtain, a flexible roof rack system, heated leather seats, a kickin' sound system, and an outrageously priced yet extremely effective navigational system to find that new boyfriend's house, it is, in short, everything a man could ever want or need. The winner is a 2001 Volvo V70XC a.k.a., the Cross Country."

5. SUBARU OUTBACK
"I believe the vehicle of choice for the queer woman should be a Subaru Outback with a sunroof, accessorized with a thule rack (even if you are a couch potato) and CD player (for the Melissa Etheridge box set, personally I prefer Emmy Lou Harris) . (accessories are important in queer culture). This vehicle is sporty enough for the single girl and practical enough for the domesticated one. The Outback suggests a spirit of domestication and play. The logic: If single, the Outback states you're not opposed to attachment; if partnered, you're not opposed to say . . . children or, at the very least, pets. Absolutely, I would date a woman with an Outback. Unfortunately, I don't own one."

And here's an old chestnut, the "What Your Car Says About You" list.

WHAT YOUR CAR SAYS ABOUT YOU: THE LIST

Acura Integra
I have always wanted to own the Buick of sports cars

Acura Legend
I'm too bland for German cars

Acura NSX
I am impotent

Audi 90
I enjoy putting out engine fires

Buick Park Avenue
I am older than 34 of the 50 states

Cadillac Eldorado
I am a very good Mary Kay salesman

Cadillac Seville
I am a pimp

Chevrolet Camaro
I enjoy beating up people

Chevrolet Chevette
I like seeing people's reactions when I tell them I have a 'Vette

Chevrolet Corvette
I'm in a mid-life crisis

Chevrolet El Camino
I am leading a militia to overthrow the government

Chrysler Cordoba
I dig the rich Corinthian leather

Datsun 280Z
I have a kilo of cocaine in my wheel well

Dodge Dart
I teach third grade special education and I voted for Eisenhower

Dodge Daytona
I delivered pizza for four years to get this car

Ford Fairmont (See Dodge Dart)

Ford Mustang
I slow down to 85 in school zones

Ford Crown Victoria
I enjoy having people slow to 55mph and change lanes when I pull up behind them

Geo Storm
I will start the 11th grade in the Fall.

Geo Tracker
I will start the 12th grade in the Fall.

Honda del Sol
I have always said, half a convertible is better than no convertible at all

Honda Civic
I have just graduated and have no credit

Honda Accord
I lack any originality and am basically a lemming.

Infiniti Q45
I am a physician with 17 malpractice suits pending.

Isuzu Impulse
I do not give a rip about J.D. Power or his reports.

Jaguar XJ6
I am so rich I will pay 60K for a car that is in the shop 280 days per year.

Kia Sephia
I learned nothing from the failure of Daihatsu Corp.

Lincoln Town Car
I live for bingo and covered dish suppers

Mercury Grand Marquis (See above)

Mercedes 500SL
I will beat you up if you ask me for an autograph

Mercedes 560SEL
I have a daughter named Bitsy and a son named Cole

Mazda Miata
I do not fear being decapitated by an eighteen-wheeler

MGB
I am dating a mechanic

Mitsubishi Diamante
I don't know what it means either

Nissan 300ZX
I have yet to complete my divorce proceedings.

Oldsmobile Cutlass
I just stole this car and I'm going to make a fortune off the parts

Peugeot 505
Diesel I am on the EPA's Ten Most Wanted List

Plymouth Neon
I sincerely enjoy doing the Macarena

Pontiac Trans AM
I have a switchblade in my sock

Porsche 944
I am dating big haired women that otherwise would be inaccessible to me

Rolls Royce Silver Shadow
I think Pat Buchannon is a tad bit too liberal

Saturn SC2 (See Honda Civic)

Subaru Legacy
I have always wanted a Japanese car even more inferior than Isuzu

Toyota Camry
I am still in the closet

Volkswagon Beetle
I still watch Partridge Family reruns

Volkswagon Cabriolet
I am out of the closet

Volkswagon Microbus
I am tripping right now

Volvo 740 Wagon
I am frightened of my wife

7 Comments:

Anonymous Ray said...

Honda Civic or, I'm a Librarian I living in the city.

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I really like number four because: I'm a guy, I had an f-150, then bought by civic si

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