Tuesday, December 18, 2007

Tom's Top Ten Viral Videos

My 2007 YouTube Countdown
It's that time of year again, time for everybody's Top 10 Lists, including Viral Videos. You've got Rebecca Winters Keegan's Top 10 Viral Videos roundup for Time Magazine. You've got Countdown with Keith Olberman's most excellent "Keithies - Best of the Stuff We Found on the Internets Awards" And so on, and so on. Well, it got me to thinking about the best viral videos I saw this year, which may or may not have been uploaded to YouTube in 2007, but were sent to or discovered by me this year (admittedly, I'm a little slow on the upbeat). See what you think of these.

#1. TV PREACHER CURSES UP A STORM

"The Devil is a motherfucking liar!" shouts this public access preacher, who looks like he's high on crack (like the camerman, who zooms in and out like he's shooting Soul Train instead of a Bible study show) and alternates between cursing his viewers against a backbeat of hip-hop music and "reading" from a Holy Book that bears an uncanny resemblance to the Telephone Yellow Pages. The show is "The Spirit of Truth" and word has it the preacher is an ex-con. Like you'd never suspect that from his Jar-Jar Binks hairdo, Value Village clothing and street corner jive demeanor. Sent to me by C. Campbell (thanks!)

#2. TELEGU CONDOM SONG

My friend Caprice sent me this and it's priceless, a Bollywood-style sex ed video in Telegu (one of India's many languages) that features dancing condoms in bright Teletubbies colors and a graphic (for India, the land where movie kisses are taboo) cartoon depiction of gay sex (a diagram of a penis in a rectum! TMI!)

#3. "I HAVE A BAD CASE OF DIARRHEA!"
ZUIIKAN ENGLISH GIRLS


Just in time for flu season! But if you have the runs, why are you doing high impact aerobics? Ah, the Zuiikan Learning English Aerobics Girls! So many lessons to choose from, but I like this "comprehensive health plan coverage-cum-English Lesson" edit from The Skillful Abbott. The first, most outlandish one remains the "Take anything you want," "Please spare my life!" mugging/self-defense clip called Sankakukinde Trouble!!, complete with goofball gaijin muggers wearing bandanas that don't cover their faces (great disguise guys!). There's also an "Oh! Queen! Thank you for spanking me!" clip, but I can't believe it's for real.

#4. FILIPINO PRISONERS "THRILLER" REMAKE

Word has it this has viewed up to a million times. Needless to say, this could never work in American prisons, unless someone choreographed "Attica!: The Musical." The same prisoners also do Queen's "Radio Ga Ga."

#5. JAPANESE TOILET TRAINING FOR KIDS

Another one from Caprice (thanks!). "My bottom feels strange!" Sounds like it's time to say bye-bye to poo poo, Mr. Pants. Man, I want that little talking toilet pal toy! (It gets lonely in the can!)

#6. "HIPSTER OLYMPICS" - POYKPAC SPORTS

The Hipster Olympics took place in America's Hipster Mecca of Brooklyn, New York, yet has universal application.

#7. FUCK YOU BALTIMORE!

Roland Barthes would be envious of this local deconstruction of The Car Commercial that cuts straight to the not so subtle "Message": Fuck You, Consumers!

#8. "HERE IT GOES AGAIN" - OK GO (Music Video)

OK, it's from 2006, but new to me. I love the concept: geeky rockers who have never seen the inside of a gym rocking out on tread mills. Brilliant.

#9. USE CONDOMS

A strong argument for abstinence and/or Durex-aided rutting that makes my testicles shrivel each time I hear the brat shriek. I may never have sex with a woman of child-bearing age again, even with protection, after seeing this. The horror, the horror of le petite morte and its consequences! Another ad that could never air in Neo-Conservative Sanctity of Life Family Values Amerika; thank God for the French!

#10. REVENGE OF THE RED BALLOON

From Atom Films. In this farcical homage to the French classic short film The Red Balloon, the balloon returns to hunt down those nasty little garcons who popped him 40 years ago. (Thanks go to Marc Sober for alerting me to this one!)

This one goes to 11!

#11 - JUMP ROPE DOGS

A Stupid Pet Trick from Japanese TV that somehow flew under Letterman's radar. Isn't this why the Internet was invented?(Thanks Anisa!)

Honorable Mentions:

PINKY, THE VERY ANGRY CAT (as seen everywhere)

FLEA MARKET MONTGOMERY (as seen of "The Keithies")

LIVE ACTION SIMPSON INTRO

HOW TO SHOWER: MEN VS. WOMEN (It's so true! Thanks for the tip, Marc Sober!)

SOESMAN LANGUAGE TRAINING - ENGELS LEREN?(DUTCH COMMERCIAL)

BANNED UK LEVIS COMMERCIAL

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