Sunday, May 17, 2009

ID Cards

These Are People I Have Been

Going through my clutter, I ran across some old ID cards that I thought'd I'd preserve on the Internets before they turned yellow and faded away...

Ah, the timeless classic from my single days when I went out and did things before becoming a Man About Townhouse recluse in the numbingly dull suburbs. I remember this guy Don liked my card so much, he used wite-out to cover up my name and number and replaced it with his. He gave me one at a City Paper "Best Of" party one year when he strolled in with a young nubile hottie on his arm. As Sinatra sang, "Nice work if you can get it..." Don sure got more play out my card than I ever did!

This is my University of Baltimore law school ID, from the short-lived period when I deluded myself that I could be a respectable member of society. (And when I still had some hair.) I was watching a lot of Honeymooners episodes on UPN Channel 24 back then, hence my sartorial homage to Ed Norton's "t-shirt-with-vest look. Note the baby fat in my cherubic cheeks (yes, I was still living at home and subject to Ma Warner's buffet-every-day feedings).

This is my Universal Life Church Minister's card, from when I was still aiming for respectability, albeit from an Internet ministry that sold ordainships for as little as a $5 "donation." Scott Huffines and I later got ordained as Parochial Educators in the belief that it would keep us from getting sued for any transgressions resulting from our public access show Atomic TV. Scott later got married by a Baltimore-based ULC minister named John Waters (perhaps you've heard of him?).

My "Jobless Reprobate" bum card listing my skill set ("Gambling, Boozing & Skirt-chasing"), back from when I was unemployed and spending way too much time at Pimlico Racetrack with other n'ere-do-wells. This card didn't go over too well at job fairs, needless to say. You can tell it's an old card - Juno was still around as an ISP (and no, the e-mail address is no longer valid!).

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3:12 AM  

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