Thursday, September 29, 2005

Top 10 Library Reference Questions

Top 10 Reference Questions Asked at My Public Library

Guarantee: All questions are verbatim. No artistic license taken or implied.



1. Where are your bathrooms? (THE most frequently asked question on a daily basis.)

2. Do you have the version of Amistad with the real people in it?
(Asked by an old lady who was shocked to find out film cameras were not invented until centuries after the the slave ship Amistad set sail.)

3. Where are the dirty movies?
(Asked by giggling teenage girls. One winked at me.)

4. Is this (HERO) the same movie as that (HOUSE OF FLYING DAGGERS)? (Also asked by an illiterate patrons, confused that both videos had Chinese people on the covers, and hence must be the same. Because, ergo, all 1 billion Chinese people look the same. And, in fact, ARE the same. And they all know kung-fu. Because of Bruce Lee.)

5. Anything good?
I'm assuming the implied question was "Do YOU have anything good [in an unspecified topic and media].(Also the follow-up question: You have anything I'd like?)

6. Change? (Asked by a pandhandler who thrust his hand out while I was on the phone with another patron. When I confusedly blurted back, "Change??" to him, he once again repeated "Change?" before being escorted from the premises by Security Staff.)

7. Is this infinity?
(Asked by Sixth Sensai, AKA Bruce Lee Guy, a schizophrenic regular who is convinced that: a )Bruce Lee is alive and well in China b) he can predict the future by listening to the voices in his head via "pre-Deja Vu" and c)that the outcomes of various wild kingdom animal fights, such as cougars vs. hyenas, has a deep meaning.)

8. Who do you think would win a fight between a Siamese cat and a long-necked weasel?(Patron source: same as above.)

9. Don't you think coyotes are sneaky, you know, kind of like Jackie Chan, you think they be laughing but they really ready to whup your ass?

Also, follow-up question to the above set-up question:

Who do you think would win, Wile E. Coyote or Jackie Chan?
(Same source as above.)

vs.

10. Have I seen this before?
(Asked by our Methadone Clinic regular, who seems to get all movie plotlines confused in her head. And sweats a lot.)

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